Charlie Wolf's Letter from America

Dateline, SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH — A light misty fog hangs perilously over the war torn city. As I scan the view in front of me, I see buildings ravaged by the war efforts of the Nazi menace... Oh... Wait... Wrong letter... Sorry, where are my notes. Ah, here they are...

Greetings and felicitations from Salt Lake City. In this letter a little about the USA's newest age in radio formats, `New Age Programming', and some advice on how to become a personality — not a presenter.

Job Offers

First, let me bring you up to date on the news that seems to be travelling quickly through Europe. I understand there are numerous reports of me joining Cable One in Holland. Do you know that the general populace of Europe found out before me! Yes, I have been approached by them and I am waiting an official written offer, but it is too early to give any specifics.

What is interesting is the fact that I was first contacted by them on December 29. The next day, Tommy Rivers calls from London to wish me a Happy New Year and the first thing he says is, 'Hey, I was at a party last night and Paul Easton (formerly of LBC) says you're going to Holland... Says he read it somewhere.'

'So, are there any other job offers I don't know about? Am I replacing Steve Wright on the Beeb and no-one's told me yet!', I responded.

Cable One sounds like an exciting project, I can't wait to find out more. I can say this much... the future in European radio is in satellites; and the future in satellites is in the production of syndicated programming, both in short and long form. This may be the time to turn to the States, not for our radio programming so much, but to learn the techniques that go into slick radio production. To all you fledgling radio syndicators, I suggest you keep a close ear to programmes like 'Scott Shannon's Rocking America Top Thirty Countdown.'

In my last letter I promised you information about the USA's newest format — New Age. The baby boomers of the sixties have grown up, they're in their mid thirties, they no longer smoke dope, they drink Perrier, they drive Beemers (BMWs). We call them YUPPIES; you cal them Sloanies, we both detest them just as much!!

The New Age format kicked off in Los Angeles when legendary album rocker KMET (Laser's Dave Chaney worked there) dropped its call letters and format, fired their staff and became KTWV — The Wave. The station features a very eclectic mix of music including many from the Wyndham Hill label, a modern jazz label. Electronic jazz artists such as Kitaro and Jean Michel Jarre are featured. Crossover artists would include Sting and Sade.

One interesting note about The Wave, they don't have announcers. One cross-town rival commented on the air, 'Radio station with no DJs, sort of like an airline with no pilots!'

The Wave's initial book was promising, but have they taken L.A. by storm? Not really. After their initial success, though, New Age stations started popping up all over the country, usually from stations with no ratings, desperate to try anything. Locally in Salt Lake City, the New Age station is KTOU 'The Touch'. Prior to touching this format they were a soft rock station with very low ratings. As The Touch in the latest ratings book (I believe their second or third) they didn't even show.

This format is only really profitable in a marketplace such as Los Angeles or New York. The reason: It caters for a very defined, very fractionalised audience. In L.A. you can pull only 1% of the audience and still have enough cume audience (overall listeners) to make a go of the thing, but not in a market such as Salt Lake City. A risky move in my opinion.

In some ways The Touch is a bit of a chuckle among the Salt Lake radio community. They bill themselves as 'The Intelligent Choice'. But, for all their intelligence, they started off with the slogan 'Utah's most unique radio station'. If you're going after an educated audience you probably don't want to use slogans that are grammatically incorrect. (Unique is not a word of degree, you either are or you aren't.)

In my opinion, I see New Age as a short lived format. But, it will (as disco did) make contributions and continue to hybrid established formats, especially A.O.R. (Album Oriented Rock). The problem nowadays is too many people are too quick to jump on the band waggon instead of doing their own things. Just because the Z-Morning Zoo works for Scott Shannon at Z-100 in New York doesn't mean it's right for a collection of loons on CFM in London, or anywhere else. The Zoo is an extension of Scott Shannon's personality. He's developed it over many years at several stations. Don't do The Wave just because KMET did it.

Personalities and DJs

What's the difference between an Air Personality and a Disc Jockey?

This question was posed to me way back in September of 1977 when I had only been in radio for a month. My mentor was Dave Maynard, who is the number one morning man on WBZ, Boston, a 50,000 watt clear channel powerhouse. It was a lesson well learned and something I've taken with me throughout my career.

'The difference,' Dave explained, 'is at least $400 a week in a major market.'

This is one of the key ingredients that separates a Steve Wright from a Dave Doubledecks. Personalities make a lot more money than DJs, jocks, announcers (or most other appellations you want to use). They also have more freedom, and in five years, chances are they will be on a bigger radio station — not in another line of work.

So how do you become a personality? Tell lots of jokes and be silly on the air? No.

'But it worked for the SeaWolf, Himself,' you protest.

Let me illustrate this with a story. When Laser 558 hired new DJs — I mean personalities — the first stop was the famed M.M.I. offices in Madison Avenue. There they were introduced to their new work/shipmates. John Moss would show them a picture, and lay them a tape. Well, when one new employee was getting the indoctrination, John Moss came to my picture and tape.

'This is Charlie Wolf,' I can imagine him say, half sighing, half chuckling. 'He's our most popular personality... three times the mail of the others... a big star... a big ego... we love him... he loves him... the audience loves him.'

When this person hear this they said, 'Well, I want to be a big star too.' So they listened to my tape. I probably did something zany on the tape. Then this person probably said 'Eureka. Zany is the answer. I'll be zany too.'

The reason I can easily deduce what this person was thinking is because when this person came out to the boat that's all he/she did. And the person would see me in the galley that night and all excited tell me about that day's 'funny ha-ha'.

'Oh Charlie, it was so funny, I stopped the record three times...'

'How nice,' I would feign, trying to hold back my revulsion. This person's bits were not funny. They were too busy trying to be me, not themselves. I complement the person on trying, but he/she missed the big picture.

The reason Charlie Wolf was successful on Laser wasn't because he was zany, but because HE WAS HIMSELF.

Quite frankly, I wasn't always all that zany. A lot of times I was very melancholy. More often than I care to remember I was actually downright awful. But, I was only funny on the radio when I was in a truly funny mood. When I was in a blue funk, then I was woeful on the air. The times I was downright awful, though, didn't depend on my mood. I was always awful... BUT I WAS ME. (By the way, if I was zany and truly in top form all the time then I would have been mediocre, so don't worry about an off day.)

Remember, the key to success is to be a personality. The key to personality is to BE YOURSELF. If you want to be zany on the air, then develop a zany constitution. Only be zany on the air when it comes naturally.

Good luck in your quest, whatever it may be. Talk to you again soon.

Charlie Wolf